System Cleanout; Take 2

So Mike and I have decided to try out this 10 day cleanse thing. Yeah, I tried one of those earlier in the year and it did jack squat as far as I'm concerned. This new one, though, I have seen used and work the way its supposed to. My brother in law, his girlfriend, and some buddies tried out the Advocare line of dieting supplements and did the "24 Day Challenge" with pretty good results.

The diet plan is broken up into 2 sections: A 10 day cleanse and a 14 day "power diet". The 10 day cleanse is pretty much fiber drinks, lots of fruits and veggies, and adding probiotics to your system. The idea is to flush out your system of all the crap that's been building up over the years so that when you start the 14 day part your body is using the foods you eat properly. Mix that with a crap ton of working out at the gym, and boom, lost pounds and a healthier working body. Simple enough, if you can deal with the extremely strict food allowances and all the stuff you have to take along side of it. And by "extremely strict food allowances" I mean eating food that actually takes time to think about and prepare and not stuff out of a box. Such as no frozen fried chicken and french fries. More like grilled chicken with no sauces, only seasonings, and steamed veggies or salad. BUT, the salad has to have either fat free dressing at a very small serving size, or olive oil and seasonings. The steamed veggies cant have butter or anything to dip them in. So plain, grilled chicken, plain veggies, and a bowl of lettuce. Mmmmm...

So today was day one. Mike woke me up with "You're not going to like the morning fiber drink. I should get the camera ready to take pictures of this". I should of taken this as a real warning. I figured he was over exaggerating just to test me. Not so much. I open up the little drink mix packet and it looks like saw dust. No joke. It did though smell like oranges. I figured "alright, it smells pretty good. maybe I can just chug it and the orangey taste will cover up the gritty texture some how..." Not so much, again. Let me explain how this stuff looked in the mixer cup. Take saw dust, add 8oz of water. Shake the living hell out of it for a few minuets. You now have the consistency of extremely watery looking apple sauce with saw dust pieces floating around in it. Except said watery apple sauce doesn't smell like oranges anymore. It smells like weird, slightly off water. Apparently I had a pretty disgusted look on my face because Mike was already laughing at me. 

This was one of those cases of "you better just take it, because its not going to get any better by standing here glaring at it". So I took a deep breath and swigged a mouthful of this gross concoction. Luckily I was able to hold back because I nearly spit it out in the sink. A quick reread of the packaging says that you can also mix it with some kind of fat free drink. While I was digging around my pile of Crystal Light water mixes, Mike was pawing through the fridge. He finds a carton of Peach Orchard Tropicana juice that's fat free and I deem it useable regardless of the diet rules. It says Fat Free, so it counts in my book. I mix the swill into some juice hoping for something better to come out of this mess. Again.. Not so much. Now it's just sickeningly sweet gritty saw dust grossness. And now theres even more of it to drink. Great. After 15 minuets of sipping this stuff down, I finally finished the glass. Promptly afterwards I chugged a rather large glass of water to wash down the taste. This alone is pretty impressive to me because I hate water. 

Its been about 2hrs now since I drank that swill. My stomach is pretty confused. I don't think it knows whether or not its hungry or just trying to get past what I just dumped in it. I should though probably go down and try to eat something. Though with my options of apples, pears, grapes or salad, it's not wonder the diet says you'll eat about 5 times a day. I just hope this crap does something useful in the long run and we didn't waste our money....

BTW- Just for reference, on day one I weighed in this morning at 155lbs.     

 

 

How NOT to get a ferret

 OR: Why Nicole Hates Kids and Their Stupid Parents

So for the new people on here, I work for Petco. I've been with the company for nearly 4.5yrs, and I'm the "ferret person" at the store.

So tonight was like any other night. I get in, mom is telling me what needs taking care of over in the fish dept, and I'm yawning in boredom at the prospect of scrubbing 100 tanks all night. A couple hours into the shift I hear keys rattle at the ferret hex and make a bee-line over to see whats going on. Barb is there with a woman and her daughter holding the ferrets, so I offer to take over. I start talking to the woman as she struggles to hold one of our little kits.

Her daughter wants one, and needed to know what it took to care for one. Now, I wont lie. I have this issue with judging people's intelligence by how they look/dress/speak. The way the woman looked and how her daughter was acting registered as "herp-derp-McTardson" on my intelligence scale. So I start off with "how much do you already know about them? Have you ever owned one?". This is the following conversation that was had--

Mother: well, I had one like.... 15yrs ago? It was before she was born. So a long time ago. But I got rid of it.
Me: Alright, well, a lot of info and care have changed in that amount of time. So, I guess I'll start at the beginning.
Mother: *looks at her daughter, who cant be more than 12, but dressed like an 18yr old hooker at a nice club* You better be listening, because YOU have to take care of this thing.
Me: Alright, so. You'll have to take her out for at least 4hrs every day. You'll have to clean their litter pan--
Girl: I'M NOT CLEANING A LITTER PAN. MOM YOU DO IT!
Me: ...YOU'LL have to clean the litter pan EVERY DAY. YOU will have to make sure that the cage stays clean, take her to the vets every year for a wellness visit and rabies shots, which btw are now mandatory by state law in NY.
Mother: Are you serious?!
Me: Yeah. Like I said, things changed quite a bit. Anyways. Just so you know, ferrets have a VERY high chance of getting forms of cancer by the age of 5yrs. So you'll want to be prepared for that.
Mother: Ferrets dont get cancer.
Me: Tell that to my 2 boys at home who both have adrenal disease. So, do you understand that ferrets are NOT hamsters? YOU WILL need to play with it every day for the next 6+yrs of its life. YOU will be in charge of teaching this little one to not bite, not poop on the floor.
Girl: *Literally bursts into tears. I mean literally. She pulls her hood over her face and starts balling her eyes out stomping her feet*
Me: And all the whining and crying in the world WILL NOT teach your ferret how to act. Again. Theyre not play toys. Theyre not hamsters. You need to be capable of caring for this animals. And it seems like you're still too young to do that.
Girl: I WANT A FERRET I WANT A FERRET NOW NOW NOW *stompy crying hissy fit and storms away covering her ears*
Mother: Do you understand what the lady is saying? Get back over here and listen to her because she knows what shes talking about!
Me: Well, if she's so dead set on one, how about you bring her by Sunday between 2-3pm. We're having a ferret workshop. She can see and meet different ferrets and their owners and I will even personally bring in one of my boys so she can see what a bald, old, sick ferret looks like.
Mother: Bald? That's gross.
Me: Well what happens when your ferret gets sick and ends up bald?
Mother: I'll just take it out back and shoot it. God, Never mind. I'll just come back tomorrow and buy one.

NOT if I have anything to do with it. I've already warned the staff and told managers that if she comes back NOT TO SELL HER ONE. I swear to the gods that if I come to work tomorrow and find out she bought one, I'll be turning whoever sold it to her into animals services.

I hate kids to start with. But ones that act like that just to get what they want, I wanted so badly to just smack her in the face. The mother too mind you. I was extremely angry after that, but just the fact that I made that girl cry and messed up her pre-teen terrible make up job made my night better. Obviously I'm twisted if I get joy out of making kids cry, but sometimes, they need an adult to be flat with them. It almost made me think that I should have one just so I can raise it right and show it off like some rare species of animal.

I still plan to take Titus to the workshop, just to see if they DO come by. And take my word for it, if they insult my Titus because he's old and bald, I may loose my job. And they'll probably loose their teeth.

END ANGRY, SLIGHTLY DRUNK NICOLE RANT.
Have a good night.

Nicole VS Her First Mocha Latte

As a child I remember always being given caffeine free soda. I wasn't allowed to have a lot of chocolate. And by no means was I supposed to have tons of sugar. Why? Because I was very caffeine sensitive. I remember the smallest bits of sugar would make me even more hyper than I already was. Over the years I sort of created a small tolerance to things like Pepsi and chocolate. I was able to eat them in pretty large of quantities without getting as hyped up. I was still slightly buzzy, but not to the point where I was put into a sugar induced psychotic fit.

I was never a fan of coffee to begin with. The smell alone was pretty gross to me. So all this time I've never drank it. That is until this passed Saturday. Mike took me to Tim Hortons for some quick breakfast and he commented on this picture of a pretty looking coffee drink. It was made with tons of chocolate and, according to him, was phenomenal tasting. My curiosity piqued, and the fact that it had tons of chocolate in it, I asked if I could try one. If I didnt like it, no big deal, Mike would drink it. He quickly agreed (probably wanting to see if my head exploded from the caffeine) and bought me one. It actually tasted pretty damn good once I got past the strong coffee taste.

Que 20 minuets later on the way to the mall. I realized that I did not feel quite right. My head hurt badly, I felt sort of sick to my stomach, and my body felt jittery, shaky, and a mix of very tired but exceedingly wide awake. I felt like I NEEDED to be up and moving. I figured it would pass sooner rather than later. It was a little more caffeine than I was used to, so my body was going to be a little more active than normal. Not so much. By the first hour after I had consumed the drink I felt like this:





But with the same explosive energy as Daffy Duck in that one episode with the crazy invisible animator. My brain felt like everything was changing, nothing was right, and everything made me very quick to react in a very loud and sometimes belligerent manner.

 


Lesson learned: I'm not drinking coffee ever again. I dislike feeling like that, and no tasty drink on earth is worth that. I'd rather be drunk and or hung over before being that sugar buzzed ever again...


Ever...