It was Athena's 18th birthday.
It was the 2nd session for her tattoo.
It was the first time in a long time that I cried for her.
It's amazing how much you can miss something. This was the first year I couldn't celebrate her birthday the normal way. Normally it would have been a day to take her shopping for so much stuff she didn't need but deserved. I would have made her a special dinner; maybe steak, venison, lamb. I would have taken her hiking weather permitting. I would have had a special outfit picked out for her. I feel like I did a pretty good job keeping myself together the entire day, especially after seeing her face in color on my arm after 4 hours of pain. The tattoo isn't finished, but just getting to see her face in color has made the price tag and pain worth it.
The night before I had a hard time getting to sleep. Something felt entirely wrong. I figured it was my anxiety, which normally gives me issues at night. I got up to go downstairs and get something to eat but ended up sitting at the table in the dining room and broke down. I haven't cried for her in a while. The sheer amount I miss her sometimes makes me feel insane. The things I would give to get to pet her again, get sass from her again, have her hog the bed at night. I pulled up videos of her on Facebook just to hear her bark and see her move again. It's been almost a year since she left me and I still feel broken and like a huge piece of me is still missing. Sometimes I wonder if I ever end up with another dachshund if it'll help or make things worse.
I guess I'll just finish this up with thank you, Athena, for spending your life with me. I hope I was as good a dog mom as you were being my heart and soul.
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